Friday, 16 May 2014
War in the Underway - battle two
“Heeeeeeeaaar meeeeee oh Gork! Heeeeed meee oh Mork” wailed Slitlik da Warty, Gruzzkup’s “tame” Shaman, prancing from foot to foot and gesticulating like an Orc with a Nipper Squig down his trousers
Snatch and Gash, the two Trolls idly scratched themselves and drooled contentedly – the magician's cavorting seeming to comfort them.
Meanwhile the night goblin herders clashed their instruments, poked their squigs and occasionally punched one another whilst trying to avoid the gnashing jaws of their charges.
Only the two Orc crew on the chariot seemed to be taking things seriously. Checking their choppas, and tightening the straps lashing the warboars to their rickety contraption.
“GORKANMORKANGORKANMRKANGOARK…” chanted Slitlik, his voice reaching a crazed crescendo
“I wish to Gork e’d shut iz noise, he’ll have da ceiling down in a minute….”
Spear Ladz, pointy but squishy
Shooty Ladz. Taint natural.
And so to game two. I had my level two shaman, a pair of trolls, a squig herd and an Orc Chariot at my disposal, facing off against five units and a Back Orc warboss. Gulp.
My plan, such as it was, was to hope for Foot of Gork and roll six dice at it each turn. While trying not to die. As it happened, I did indeed get Foot of Gork, so the plan was going well…
Snatch and Gash, their attention grabbed by something glittering and shiny, lurched off into the blackness. The shiny things turned out to be pointy and hurty and came whizzing at them, but mostly felt tickly if they hit. Slitlik raised his hands high and felt the Waaagh energy of the cave channel trough him before forming into a huge clawed foot shape beneath the roof of the cavern. His gibberings of delight turned into a wail of horror as the foot smashed into the ground inches from his cowering form.
Oooo. Black Orcsez
In the back of their chariot the Orc warriors gazed on with contempt as the diminutive greenskins prodded and poked the snarling squigs into position. Rushing headlong toward them was a mob of Orcs with some boarboys bringing up the rear. There was some kind of commotion going on as the boarboys tried to force their mounts past the Orc boys and so, seizing their moment the chariot driver shoved his prodder into the buttocks of one of the boars and they careened off into the Orc mob, the crimson tide of squigs bouncing along beside them. The half-crazed squiggly beasts and their equally demented herders launched themselves at the Orcs as the rattling creaking chariot wrought further damage, the dumbfounded Boys turned tail and fled only to be crushed beneath the chariots wheels as it ploughed into the waiting Boarboys.
Crikey squigs pack a punch. They made mincemeat of the Orc boys before they could pick up a spear and the chariot made quite a mess too.
With their arrows having no effect on Gash and Snatch, the invading Orcs threw down their bows and charged. Confused by this sudden turn of events, the trolls decided to amble away but were pulled down and slaughtered by the Arrer boys. Slitlik begged Gork for help. Then Mork. But nothing was forthcoming, except a hail of bolts from Ruglud's boys.
With a mighty wail and a gnashing of teeth and frothing of jaw the Squigs and their frantically scurrying keepers smashed aside the Boarboys and turned to face the Black Orcs.
“I fink” whispered one chariot orc to another "We should leave da littluns to it an’ go see how Slitlik’s gerrin on” “Yer” agreed his driver as he swiftly turned the chariot away from the impending carnage. And carnage there duly was, though not quite as one sided as might have been expected – the Squigs managed to kill almost all the hulking Black Orcs in a display of wanton violence, before eventually succumbing to the cunning of their leader.
Slitlik span around on the spot and cavorted like an Orc possessed, green sparks issuing from every orifice, but still he couldn’t rain destruction on the Arrer boys. Mindful of Gruzzkup's urgings to “Keep an eye on da Wizard” the Orc chariot crashed into the Orc archers and a furious fight erupted. Seeing their moment Ruglud’s boys charged in to the wooden contraption and duly smashed it to matchwood. With that Slitlik gathered up is red cape and made off into the shadows heaping curses on the remaining invaders.
Well that was bloody. And good fun. At the end only Slitlik remained alive, but I'd still dne enough to claim the game.
Squigs are all kinds of awesome, and chariots are pretty good too.
On adding up I was the clear winner, so game three would be the decider, and I still had my biggest force left to use…
“Gork an Mork iz happee oh mighty Gruzzkup. We done dem uvva greenies good an’ proppa” crowed Slitlik.
“Dat’s as maybe, but where’s da rest of da lads, eh?” roared the Orc warboss