Friday, 5 November 2010

El Cid Campaign Weekend: Battle the Second

So, in the campaign wrap-up after the first battle I was unsurprised to learn that Ibn Coldir had not shinned up the greasy pole of Almoravid power and was instead to be dispatched to a far corner of Spain to further the aims of other, better generals.
In my quest I was to be aided by some local Andalusians as we united to rid the land of infidel Christians. My fellow general was Lawrence, a man brimming with plans, ideas and dreams of glory. Sadly for him (and indeed the hopes of the Muslim cause as a whole) Ibn Coldir was appointed supreme commander and Lawrence was destined to play Toshack to my Keegan, Rodney to my Del Boy or, more realistically, Ernie to my Eric.*
Facing us across the table were some turncoats from the true faith in the shape of Jim's Andalusians allied with the Infidel in Chief - El Cid - in the persona of Gary.
I concocted a plan brilliant in both simplicity and elegance (elegant for Lawrence, simple for me - play to your strengths I say), one that both Lawrence and I agreed would bring us success, riches and the acclamation of our fellow men.
Then I forgot what we'd agreed and plonked my soldiers down in a way pleasing to the eye.

See, it looks lovely

Pretty, pretty soldiers. What's that you say?Plan? Eh?

Kniggits, sir, faasends of 'em!

Disloyal turncoats

Essentially I faced off against Gary and Lawrence took on Jim. I seconded Kahmu Karzai's Kamel Korps to help Lawrence, secure in the knowledge that he'd be able to get the most out of them, which he duly did - they lasted at least a turn longer than I would have managed and got to turn three before dying to a man. In return he loaned me some crossbowmen. I got them killed.

Forward the Kamel Korps!

There now follows some eye candy...

This ended badly, too

These stripy rugs have come up lovely in the wash!

On my side of the table the newly painted, much vaunted, mercenary Christian Knights of whom much was expected once more failed a mercenary test and were subsequently routed by others of their faith.
Fight your own battles Mr. Coldir!

Much shooting went on from my men to little discernible effect and the battle was proceeding in the expected manner (Gary deploying tactics and skill, me removing dead men) when El Cid, defender of the faith, bravest knight in all Christendom, scourge of the Almoravids and all round man of steel found himself in easy charge range of some Black Guard, with his First Charge still unused. Despite the obvious mismatch, Ibn Coldir put his faith in Allah and taunted the Campeodor to charge. After a brief pause all that could be heard was "beeep-beeep these knights are reversing, beeep-beeep these knights are reversing" as El Cid, defender of the faith, bravest knight in all Christendom, scourge of the Almoravids and all round man of steel soiled his armour and backed off.
El Cid in happier times

They've got pointy sticks and everything

We don't like it up us!

Fortunately for Gary I pride myself on my discretion and empathy, so I barely drew attention to it at the top of my voice whilst flapping my arms and making noises like a hen.
Over and over again.

Tragically in the next turn El Cid, defender of the faith, bravest knight in all Christendom, scourge of the Almoravids and all round man of steel charged the Black Guard in the face and handed it out big style.
Ibn Coldir, a man as brave as he is tactically inept stepped forward to challenge El Cid, defender of the yadda, yadda and at this point the campaign organiser and author of the El Cid supplement popped by to tell Gary that I was, in fact, cheating and that the Ibn Coldir's stats were being greatly inflated! After a dignified and adult discussion that didn't include any exchanges that sounded like this "noitisn'tyesitisnoitisn'tyesitisnoitisn'tyesitisnoitisn'tyesitisnoitisn'tyesitisnoitisn'tyesitisnoitisn'tyesitis" it turned out that James thought that wily old Emir Ibn Coldir was, in fact Imran the Imam and we were therefore both right.
Sorry James.
Then El Cid killed Ibn Coldir and all his Black Guard.

Ibn Coldir attempts to distract the Cid by reading aloud some jokes from The Bumper Book of Fundamentalist Fun.**

I reckon I can do you without even looking at yer!

And that was pretty much it, really. The object of the game was to get into the enemy camp and rifle through their possessions looking for top shelf illuminated manuscripts or something. El Cid's boys did this and we, err, didn't, so a comprehensive (and thoroughly deserved) victory to Jim and Gary. Lawrence declared that I was dead to him, which I thought harsh, but on balance fair.

Frustrated by my incompetence Lawrence brings his fist down on some Berbers!

Check in the big tent, Juan!

Another splendid game on fantastic looking scenery with three top chaps. 10000 points of beautifully painted models (well, 7500 plus the ones I'd finished the night before) looked absolutely terrific, and I think I may possibly be ruined for regular sized games from here on in.

The next instalment will feature a flooded bath, the glorious charge of the Kamel Korps and Lawrence and I get a chance for rewenge!!!

*Readers of a non-English persuasion (or indeed those under the age of 30 or so) are directed to Google to work out what the heck I'm on about.

**insert your favorite "Worlds Shortest Book" gag here***

***I would like to point out hat this is an anti-fundamentalist joke, not anti-Muslim. I am even handed in my mockery of fundamentalsts of whatever stripe, be they Christian, Muslim or fans of Wargames Research Group 6th Edition.

1 comment:

  1. Fun commentary and really inspirational battle sizes!I enjoyed this and I'm on to collecting my own Christian army.